Joke and Jokes: Humor: Online items printing too large

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Good Morning, friend ! Today is Monday, February 25 Yesterday's picture is from Kay, taken at her cottage a few years ago. If I had known, I would have cheerfully added her copyright at the bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"I taught sex education in the South Bronx, and as a sixth grade teacher I was told to answer all their sex questions. One kid asked, 'Is there any part of the woman's body known as the Volvo?' Which I thought was a good question. I said, 'Only on Swedish women.'" ---Dennis Wolfberg "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." --- Jack Lemmon
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both ladies could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was again red, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention at the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. At this point she turned to her friend and said, "Mildred! Do you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could get killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Holy Moly! Am I driving?"
An woman went to traffic violation court for speeding, lost the argument as it always happens, and paid the fine. So the police clerk issued her a receipt for her payment of the fine. The lady annoyed at her defeat in the court asked him curtly, "What am I supposed to do with this?" "Keep it," the clerk advised politely. "When you get three of them, you can buy yourself a bicycle, Ma'am."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose Angel Perales Jr., 24, of 609 Adams St., Muscatine Tattooed Naked Burglar Reported by Sailor A man accused of breaking into a Davenport lingerie store should have kept his clothes on and his tattoos covered as Davenport police said they had little trouble identifying him. Jose Angel Perales Jr., 24, of 609 Adams St., Muscatine, is charged with third-degree burglary and third-degree theft in connection with the burglary of Dr. John's Lingerie Boutique, 4158 N. Brady St., the morning of Feb. 17. Perales was arrested Friday. He was released from the Scott County Jail after posting bond. According to the arrest affidavit filed by Davenport police, investigators viewing surveillance video saw a man enter the southeast door of the business about 4:10 a.m. The affidavit states the door was left unlocked. According to the affidavit, the man walked around the store and shopped before going into the manager's office. When the man walked out of the office, he was naked, and the surveillance video showed a tattoo on the man's back that read "Perales" in old English lettering. In checking Iowa's mug shot system, police said they identified the man in the video as Jose Perales. Perales spent about two hours in the store trying on various items, according to the affidavit. He then left the store wearing a dress and a blond wig b elonging to the business. He also was carrying a Dr. John's merchandise bag containing various items belonging to the business, according to the affidavit. Investigators seized merchandise from the store during a search of Perales' residence, according to the affidavit. Third-degree burglary is a Class D felony under Iowa law that carries a prison sentence of up to five years. Third-degree theft is an aggravated misdemeanor that carries a prison sentence of up to two years. The link to Mail Washer is here!
Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Printing online stuff is too big Dear Webby Greetings from Ohio, Still lovin' you newsletter and tech support. Now I am in need again. Recently when I try to print something from "on line" the size of the printing is about 3 time what it should be. This happens no matter what printer I use. Just tried to print a bank statement and huge print. My wordperfect and works does fine as does my paint shop pro. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance, jh Dear Dear Jim When you want to print something, the in Firefox hit ALT F (File) U (Page Setup) for page setup. In there put a checkmark onto Shrink to fit page width or select a percentage. I usually have mine set at 70%. That seems to work fine. Those settings will stay in effect until you change them again. Other browsers are similar. Have FUN! DearWebby If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Eyeglass Case To Store Small Items We always have a lot of empty eyeglass cases around. I use them to carry my scissors, toe nail clippers, tweezers, etc. in my purse. I carry lipstick and other small items when traveling; like buttons, thread and needle just in case. I also carry pens in them as well. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "can my luck be any worse?!? What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know...why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replied, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
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The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied. » Classy cars

Today, Feb 25, in 1502 Austrian emperor Maximilian I reformats government machine 1570 England's Queen Elizabeth I was excommunicated by Pope Pius V. 1751 Edward Willet displayed the first trained monkey act in the U.S. 1836 Samuel Colt received a patent for a "revolving gun". 1901 The United States Steel Corp. was incorporated by J.P. Morgan. 1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It authorized a graduated (Marxist) income tax, that taxes hard workers more than lazy ones. 1919 The state of NE became the first state to place a tax on gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon. 1930 The bank check photographing device was patented. 1933 The first aircraft carrier, Ranger, was launched. 1948 Communists seized power in Czechoslovakia. 1956 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev criticized the late Josef Stalin in a speech before a Communist Party congress 1972 Germany gave a $5 million ransom to Arab terrorist who had hijacked a jumbo jet. 1986 Filippino President Ferdinand E. Marcos fled the Philippines after 20 years of rule after a tainted election. 2000 In Albany, NY, a jury acquitted four New York City police officers of second-degree murder and lesser charges in the February 1999 shooting death of Amadou Diallo. 2005 Dennis Rader was arrested for the BTK serial killings in Wichita, KS. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 10 life prison terms. 2013 friend smiled

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